


Surprise Parties & Other Stupid Ideas

by apple_pi



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Multi, Screenplay/Script Format, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-12
Updated: 2010-02-12
Packaged: 2017-10-07 04:51:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apple_pi/pseuds/apple_pi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short theatrical presentation, in two acts: One day, John finds out when Ronon's birthday is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Surprise Parties & Other Stupid Ideas

One day, John finds out when Ronon's birthday is. (They're sparring, or, um, it's just after some hot-and-sweaty man-on-man action - wait, that's the same thing as John and Ronon sparring, isn't it?) They finish their match, Ronon goes off to do stuff (paint Satedan warriors on velvet, possibly).

John heads to the labs, swinging by Teyla's quarters to get her first.

[John, Rodney and Teyla, huddled together around Rodney's lab table]

**John:** I found out when Ronon's birthday is! [smug, confiding]  
**Rodney:** Did we miss it? ...Is he angry? [looks nervous] Not knowing is a good excuse for being late with the present, right? I have a sparring lesson with him tomorrow, I don't want him to be in a bad mood.  
**John:** No, it's coming up.  
**Teyla:** We shall have to ask him what gift he would like. I just got some lovely _utlo_-scented candles from Haisa -  
**John:** [looking at her, a little hurt] You told me you'd get _me_ some candles. Mine are almost burned down, and you know I like the _utlo_ ones the best.  
**Teyla:** But it is not your birthday.  
**John:** But you _said_.  
**Rodney:** I bet if I made him a new knife out of that carbon-fibre alloy he'd go really easy on me for a week, at least.  
**John:** [waving his hand irritably] Wait wait wait. We're getting off track.  
**Rodney:** [deadpan] Right, _utlo_ boy.  
**John:** Hey, you like the _utlo_ as much as I do -  
**Teyla:** You were saying, John? [stifling a sigh, wishing she could reach John's foot to step on it by "accident"]  
**John:** Right. [rubs his hands together] We should throw Ronon a surprise party.  
**Teyla:** Ah, John...  
**John:** We've missed _three_ birthdays already! And he missed seven before that. Seriously, the guy is overdue for a good birthday party.  
**Rodney:** Who would come? He beats everyone up all the time.  
**John:** Oh, they love it. [handwave] All the marines think he's the second coming of Christ.  
**Teyla:** [puzzled but game] If you say so.  
**John:** I do. And seriously, who deserves a party more than Ronon?  
**Rodney:** Well, now that you mention it, it's been a while since anyone said to me, 'Hey, Doctor McKay, thanks for saving our asses six times a week and twice on Sundays -'  
**Teyla:** [places one hand on Rodney's arm] I assure you, Rodney, you do not go so unappreciated as you think.   
**Rodney:** _Thank_ you. [sniffs]  
**John:** I hate to break up this little love-fest, but you got a raise two months ago, McKay.  
**Rodney:** [withering look] Yes, and I ran right down to my local Macy's and spent it all in an orgy of consumerism.  
**John:** I'm just saying. Don't be an asshole.  
**Rodney:** You say 'potayto,' I say 'go with your strengths.'  
**Teyla:** \- We were discussing Ronon's birthday?  
**John:** Right! I was thinking maybe pizza, meatballs - he likes those little dough things Sergeant Morales makes.  
**Rodney:** ...Will there be cake?  
**John:** [claps him on the shoulder] Lots of cake.  
[John and Rodney move toward the door, heads bent together, discussing chocolate versus white cake versus chocolate cake with white icing versus white cake with chocolate icing. Teyla follows them after a moment.]  
**Teyla:** But John, Rodney - it is the 'surprise' aspect I am slightly concerned about -  
**Rodney:** Listen, if you're going to go chocolate, do it right. This half-and-half crap is just a cop-out. All or nothing, I'm telling you.

...

_Two weeks later_

**John:** [roaring] CEASE FIRE, RONON!  
[shrieks dying down, people slowly climbing out from where they've dived for cover; tables and chairs overturned; a dozen meatballs are rolling across the mess-hall floor.]  
**Ronon:** [looks around, gun still up] What the hell is this?  
**Teyla:** [climbing gracefully out from under a chair] It is a surprise birthday party.  
**Lorne:** [being helped back onto his crutches by two marines] Happy birthday, big guy.  
[quiet murmur of agreement]  
**John:** That thing's set to stun, right?  
**Ronon:** Yeah. [walking over to where Lieutenant Parker is lying on the ground, nudging her with his toe] Sorry about that.  
**Rodney:** [straightening from where he was hunched over the cake] I saved the cake! [there's a little chocolate on the front of his uniform, but not much]  
**Ronon:** [looking up, seeing the cake] Is it chocolate?  
**Rodney:** [nods happily]  
**Ronon:** Good job.


End file.
